


you think your dreams are the same as mine

by JustAnotherSailorScout



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Anakin Skywalker, Bacta, F/M, Feels, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hair Braiding, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Mostly Canon Compliant, Red String of Fate, Rey goes to Dagobah, Shower cuddles, Sick Fic, Smut, Snoke Comic Compliant, So Many Damn Feels, Star Wars: Bloodline-Compliant, Well I made it a thing, canonverse, is that a thing?, reverse Anidala
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-19 06:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20652692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherSailorScout/pseuds/JustAnotherSailorScout
Summary: That's when he hears her ragged breathing, and he sees her, clothes torn and skin bloody, lying on his bedroom floor.All pretense dropped, he runs to her, kneeling next to her prone form. Her hair is falling out of her usual three buns, it’s dirty, and a little matted. He doesn't even attempt to stop himself from pushing it out of her face."Where are you?" he whispers.Her head lolls a bit as her eyes open. She smiles up at him."I knew you'd come." Her face goes sad again. "But you're not real." Tears come now. She's delirious. "I didn't want to die alone."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been months since he's felt her in the Force, the connection snapping shut along with the Falcon's door.

He's lonely. And maybe it shouldn't matter because he's always been lonely, but it hurts even more now that he's had a taste of friendship. Or whatever they had been. His brain had run away with grandiose thoughts of the future, her by his side as a ruler, a partner...a lover. 

He _misses_ her and it's completely unfair because he never really _had_ her. Just a few moments really. But he had killed his master for her. Something he would never have done on his own. And it had completely turned everything on its head and now he was in charge of the First Order. The Supreme Leader.

It felt like none of that mattered. Not really. 

All that anger that he had been harboring was just...gone. Replaced with apathy and a desire to do nothing. His father is gone. His uncle is gone. His mother is still alive, but she’s lost all hope. He can feel it. And he hasn't heard from _her_ in months. 

It's late, the artificial lighting in his room dimming to simulate some sort of day cycle. Kylo is getting ready to change out of his robes and lie down, utterly exhausted from listening to Hux all day when he feels all of the sound being sucked out of the room. 

He leaps from his changing room, hoping more than he wants to admit that he sees her. Even for just a second. 

That's when he hears her ragged breathing, and he sees her, clothes torn and skin bloody, lying on his bedroom floor. 

All pretense dropped, he runs to her, kneeling next to her prone form. Her hair is falling out of her usual three buns, it’s dirty, and a little matted. He doesn't even attempt to stop himself from pushing it out of her face. 

"Where are you?" he whispers. 

Her head lolls a bit as her eyes open. She smiles up at him. 

"I knew you'd come." Her face goes sad again. "But you're not real." Tears come now. She's delirious. "I didn't want to die alone."

"Hey, hey look at me," he can feel his heart heaving with panic in his chest. He can't lose her. He's sure he won't survive it. "You have to live, alright? Just hold on for me." 

Unsure of what to do, he glances around his room and spots the medpac. Maybe, maybe if they can touch, he can clean her wounds and she can hold out until he gets to wherever she is right now. Unwilling to move from her just yet, he reaches out with the Force, and the medpac comes zooming towards him. 

There's no time to think. Pushing up the remains of her shirt he starts to clean off the wound on her stomach. It looks infected. She winces at the burn of alcohol, but he keeps going. He only has enough bacta gel with him to patch her up temporarily. He _has_ to get to her. Finishing up, he wraps her torso with a bandage, not sure if any of this is going to stay once the Force disconnects them. Ripping the blanket off his bed, he places it over her, sure that none of this is going to work. 

Her eyes fall closed and he panics. “Rey.” He shakes her gently. “Hey hey. Stay awake. You have to stay awake.” Blinking, she looks at him, the whites of her eyes turning a bit jaundiced. 

“Ben,” she lolls, “I...I should have taken your hand. I miss you. It was so lonely there.” 

His heart hurts. But he doesn’t have time to examine her words. “Rey where are you? Let me come find you.” 

She laughs, but there is no humor behind it. “Dagobah. But...” 

“I’m coming. I can be there in a few hours.” His station was close. Just above Mustafar. Thank the Force. Even if he wasn’t particularly excited to go back where that...cave _was_ located.

“It was nice seeing your face again, even if you aren’t real.” 

Without saying anything, he runs out of the room to the hanger bay. He starts to get in his Silencer, then thinking better of it, knowing she would need more room and medical supplies, he runs to his Upsilon-class shuttle instead. Screaming at an officer to prepare his ship while he grabs enough medpacs to bandage up an entire platoon, and 2 medical droids, just to be on the safe side. In a blur of fury and panic and determination, he’s airborne, and on his way to her. 

He punches in the coordinates and jumps to lightspeed. Only then does he allow himself to break down. There’s no anger, only grief. Sobs wrack through his chest. If he loses her he’ll have lost everything. Absolutely _everything_. It’s devastating in a way he hadn’t felt since he Luke tried to kill him in his sleep and he found out about his mother’s parentage. 

Catching his breath, he slumps back into his chair and allows himself to sleep for a few hours. His dreams are flashes this time. A man and a woman in a meadow, surrounded by waterfalls, laughing and rolling around in the grass. The same couple, in a solemn elopement. Where love and devotion shown on their faces, but it certainly wasn’t a happy occasion. The woman, hair down, looking out her balcony over a city, in tears, a sense of betrayal and hurt radiating from her. A fight in a pit of fire. The death of the woman. The utter despair of the man, or rather, machine. 

The ship exits lightspeed as he jolts awake, shaking off the images. He can see the jungle planet. And he can _feel_ her. Her light. It’s waning. His mind brushes up against hers, trying to show a bit of comfort. Her walls are down and he feels how scared she is. How much she doesn’t want to die. He pushes now. Images of green grass and waterfalls and flowers. 

He remembers coming here, years ago. Snoke had taken him here...to the Dark Side cave. He grimaces at the memory. There’s no place for that now. 

He follows her flickering light through the jungle planet, not paying attention to the bizarre wilderness and creatures that take up residence here. Taking a deep breath, he centers himself in the Force. It’s not too light, nor is it pitch black. It is simply...there. Balanced. Allowing him peace and focus, but also love and passion. 

She’s close now. He lands his ship in a small clearing. It’s night time. He’ll need to use his saber for light. Focused, he heads out. 

The air is stifling here. The humidity and memories threatening to choke him. Taking in his surroundings, everything illuminated red, he sees a black spot on the ground, and it trails forward. Blood. Rey’s blood. He looks ahead and can kind of make out that it leads to a small clearing a little ways up in the jungle and he sprints. He sprints and he prays to the Force that he doesn’t fucking trip, mowing down plants and debris with his crackling saber. 

Reaching the clearing, he holds up his weapon to see, and spots her form just as he left it. Her breathing isn’t steady. But she _is breathing_. He switches off the laser sword and crouches near her. In the dark he can see that the blanket and the bacta patches didn’t stay. She’s shivering in her sleep and he’s sure that she wouldn’t have made it through the night. Tearing off his glove with his teeth, he places his hand on her torso to check around the wound. It’s still infected, but it’s clean from his actions earlier. She relaxes into his touch, subconsciously seeking his warmth. Without hesitating, he covers her with his cape. Reaching out with the Force, her lightsaber rushes to his hand. He can’t think of it as his grandfather’s any longer. She had pieced it back together herself. He clips it to his belt alongside his. On the ground, Rey shudders violently. With an ease that he can’t let himself think about too much, he picks her up, much like he did in another forest, another lifetime. A million questions race through his head. _What was she doing? Where was the Resistance? Why had no one come to help her?_

His shuttle isn’t far, and the walk back isn’t terrible, what with him having mowed a trail in the jungle earlier. But it’s very dark and slower than he would have preferred, slower than she needs. He steps on a tree root and nearly loses his footing. It startles her awake and she clutches at his tunic. 

“Ben?” 

“I’ve got you. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” 

She buries her face in his chest, right next to his rapidly beating heart. He jogs just a little as he reaches his ship.

In the light of the shuttle he can tell she’s taken a turn for the worse. Her skin is yellowing, the infection is spreading. Fumbling, he rids her of her torn clothing until she is down to her breast band and underwear, flushing a little at the sight, and immediately feeling guilty for it. He races her to the small medbay in his ship and attaches a breathing apparatus to her face. On the table he had placed a sedative. Taking the cap off, he taps at the vial to make sure there are no air bubbles. Cringing has he does it, he sticks the needle in her neck and presses the plunger. She’s too far gone to really feel anything. Eyeing the tank of bacta warily, he winces. He _hates_the feeling of it, how suffocating it is, but knows it’s necessary. 

It’s strange, these feelings. He’s never had trouble administering shots or any other unpleasant medical procedure before. But it’s her, and the last thing he wants to do is cause her more pain. He’s done enough of that already.

“I’m so sorry about this,” he says to her unconscious body. Climbing the staircase next to the tank with her in his arms, he allows himself to give her a kiss on her forehead. Looping her arms through a harness so he can pull her out, he sighs. Then he drops her into the warm, strangely viscous liquid. 

And now.

_Now what?_

He left without notice. He put absolutely no one in charge. And who’s to say he even _wants_ to go back? The thought hasn’t occurred to him before. Does he want to go back? Should he contact his mo--General Organa? Should he leave the planet? 

Yes. Leave the planet with these wretched memories. That sounds like a good start. He racks his memory for a place to go. Somewhere where they could hide for a few days. Somewhere that she might like to see. 

An idea strikes him. It's a little mad, but he feels something pushing him toward it. He knows from his research on his grandfather that he had a wife, who had a lakehouse in Naboo. It's secluded enough to keep Rey safe, and is still in his family’s name. Anakin's wife. He knew her name was Padme but he hadn’t wanted to read more on her, for fear he might find something that would challenge his perception of his grandfather. Unable to come up with a better plan, he flies the ship off the planet, punches in the coordinates, and jumps to lightspeed. 

Sagging against the chair, he is exhausted. But the worst seems to be over. Hopefully. Not wanting to be far from her, he grabs blankets and pillow from his sleeping nook, and drags them to the small medbay. A med droid gives him her latest vitals. She seems to be recovering. If she can make it through the next 24 hours she should be fine. Dimming the lights, he curls up on the floor next to the tank she drifts in. 

And this time, he sleeps blissfully dreamless.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey turns to take a step down the stairs when her legs fail her and she’s falling forward. Instinctively, Kylo catches her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back to him. _Let me keep you. Stay with me_. They both freeze at the contact. His breath shakes a little. This is the first time he’s held her while she’s been lucid. He _wants_, and he wants so desperately, but knows she can’t be for him. A monster doesn’t deserve such things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied. This is only going to be 3 chapters long because 2 and 3 just fit better together story wise. I hope you all don't mind :)

Kylo wakes to the sound of muffled panic, a thumping of glass. Jumping off the ground, he ignores how sore his back is. Rey is thrashing around in the bacta tank, trying to figure out how to get out. He needs to calm her down before he can help her, so he does the only thing he can think of. He tries to tell her what happened through their link. He brushes against her mind, her wall firmly in place again. He pushes a little, and she starts to still in the tank. Her wall lets down just a little, and he can feel her surprise at the fact that he is _there_. That he isn’t just a figment of her imagination through the blur of the gel. Ben sends her images and fragmented thoughts of what happened. To try and explain.

The image of her on his floor. Flying to Dagobah. His worry. Finding her in the jungle. Carrying her back, caring for her, and then falling asleep from exhaustion. He can’t remember much more. Everything was a blur. He can feel her calm down. 

Grabbing the blanket off the floor, he runs up the stairs and raises her out of the tank. The cool air of the ship a stark difference from the warmth of the bacta tank, she shivers. He works quickly to unhook her from the harness and breathing apparatus, and covers her with the fabric. She pulls it in tighter around her. Rey stares up at him, dipping wet with an indecipherable look on her face. Her breath is still a little labored, but she’s no longer barely clinging to life. 

“Um,” he coughs, breaking the silence. “We should get you cleaned up. I can show you where the fresher is.” 

Rey turns to take a step down the stairs when her legs fail her and she’s falling forward. Instinctively, Kylo catches her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back to him. _Let me keep you. Stay with me_. They both freeze at the contact. His breath shakes a little. This is the first time he’s held her while she’s been lucid. He _wants_, and he wants so desperately, but knows she can’t be for him. A monster doesn’t deserve such things. 

He turns her to face him. “Let me help you.” He wouldn’t make her ask. She is too proud for that, but she will need help getting around for a few days while she continues to heal. Their time together has an expiration date, and it kills him just a little bit. But he can’t think about that too much. 

She nods and he picks her up to carry her to the ships only refresher. It’s a standing shower, no tub, but at least there’s water. _Shit_. She can’t even stand. They eye each other a little warily, not needing the bond to feel each other’s hesitance. Carefully, he sits her down in the shower. Shrugging off the blanket, Rey pulls her knees to her chest, still in her underwear, trying to keep some semblance of modesty. Her hair is dripping with bacta, still dirty and matted from her ordeal. The healing liquid sticks to her skin, and she looks so small and vulnerable. He’s not entirely sure what he should do, but assuming she wants some privacy, Kylo grabs the blanket and turns to leave when he hears her sniff. 

“Ben?” Her voice is a little rough from disuse.

“Yes?” He can hear his own desperation. He doesn’t care. 

“Can you...my hair…” she trails off, looking a little embarrassed. “I mean...you don’t have to, I can take care of myself.” 

Kylo’s nodding before she even finishes speaking. “I know you can.” He strips down to his underwear quickly, throwing his clothes haphazardly on the floor. Rey looks back at him, eyes wide. “I won’t--I’m not going to…” he’s not even sure how to finish this sentence. 

“Okay,” she whispers. “I, I know that.” 

Carefully, he steps into the shower and sits behind her. It’s cramped, and her back rests against his chest and he hopes that she doesn’t notice how hard his heart is pounding. Reaching around he turns on the water, and Rey jumps a bit as the cold hits her. He scrambles to adjust the temperature, and finally warm water pours on their skin. He feels her relax into him, just a little. Wordlessly, he starts to undo what is left of her usual 3 buns. She shakes her hair out, and it tickles his nose, but he says nothing. Bowing her head to reach under the water, he watches the water fall down her back, catching at her breast band. He stares at her tan skin, freckled from years of exposure to the desert sun. _Beautiful_. His heart continues to pound and his breath is unsteady. When was the last time he had human contact like this? When had she? 

Reaching up to the shelf, he grabs the shampoo bottle and squeezes some of the liquid into his palm. She leans back into him, and he revels in her warmth, in her _light_. He starts to lather her hair. He can feel how content she is, but the lingering sadness that always plagues her is there too. The reminder that no one had ever done this for her before. 

He gently pushes her head back under the water to rinse out the suds, and starts on the conditioner. While it’s still in her hair, he uses a comb to gently work out the remaining tangles. Between her fight on Dagobah and several hours in bacta, it had become a mess, but he works through each one. She doesn’t wince a single time, even when he hits a snag or a knot. After a few minutes, her hair finally free of tangles, she rinses out the rest of the conditioner.

They sit there for a while, letting the water fall on them. But it couldn't last forever, at least not in an immediate sense, as the shower water starts to run cold. He quickly turns it off, and reaches for a towel to dry them both off. 

He lifts her up and carries her to his bed on the ship. It’s the biggest, so she’ll be more comfortable. Rummaging around, he finds some clothes for her. A black tank top and leggings typically worn under officer uniforms, and a pair of black socks. There was a set of undergarments as well. 

In another room he changes out of his wet underwear and throws on a loose tunic and sleep pants. Carrying back the small bundling of clothing, he sees her still waiting for him on his bed. 

“Um. Do you need help changing?” 

“No...no I think I can manage.” There is a small hesitance there that he can’t quite place. 

“I’ll leave you to it then. Are you hungry?” 

She beams up at him. His heart clenches and he vows right then to do whatever is necessary to make her look at him like that again. “Always.”

“I’ll be right back then.” Kylo hurries to the food synthesizer on his ship, and is bringing back a bowl of soup for Rey in a matter of a few minutes. He also grabs a vial of pain medication. She must still be hurting, she’s just very good at hiding it. 

Sitting in his bed with her legs criss crossed, Rey picks at a loose string on her tank top. And Force be damned but he can’t help but think how at ease and comfortable she looks here. 

He hands her the medicine first, she eyes it warily but takes it anyway. Once it’s down, he hands her the soup, which she smiles at again. _How many nights did she go hungry?_ Some unexpected rage boils up in him, which he quickly clamps down as he sees her happily slurping down the food. He does notice that her hair is still a bit of a mess, however, so he grabs the comb and a few hair ties and sits down behind her. 

She freezes. “What are you doing?” 

“Just, let me help. Otherwise it’s going to get all tangled again.” Her shoulders relax at his words. Gently, he starts to section off her hair and braid it. It’s longer now, and he’s able to plait it in a crown around her head. It’s dangerous, allowing himself to care for her. He knows she’ll leave eventually, just like she did before. And he knows it’s going to hurt him even more this time. But he can’t stop himself.

“Where did you learn to do this?” 

He smirks a little. “Leia. Braids were very popular on her home planet. When the Empire destroyed it, she taught me how in order to keep the tradition alive.” She hums in response. He doesn’t tell her that braids have meanings on his mother’s home planet. And he especially doesn’t tell her that this particular braid was only worn by someone who had been matched to a member of the royal family. That his mother taught him how to braid this one, because “one day he would need to braid his future partner’s hair.”

Finishing up, he asks her if there is anything she needs before he leaves so she can sleep. She was only in the tank for a few hours and they have some time before they arrive on Naboo. 

“I don’t...I don’t much feel like sleeping.” 

“I know. I mean,” he swallows. “You don’t have to sleep. But,” he tries to keep his demeanor neutral, “you should be resting. Maybe read something on this datapad? Here.” He rummages around in the room to find it, and hands it to her. She greedily takes it. “Do you need anything else? I can go get you some pain medication. More food? Another blanket?” He’s rambling and he knows it, but he can’t seem to stop himself. 

“No, I’m alright. I--” she looks like she’s about to say something else, but then immediately cuts herself off. “Thank you, Ben.” He nods and exits the room quickly, the air just a little too heavy for him. 

He collapses in the pilot’s chair and throws his walls up. He just...he needs to be alone with his feelings right now. It’s too much, having her here, holding her, pretending like she might be his. But...but he just can’t help himself. 

For the next few hours he meditates, trying to center himself in the Force like he had just before he reached Rey. His emotions are everywhere and there’s nothing to grab onto. Nothing to help ground himself. There’s her. There’s always been her. But he can’t--he can’t rely on her to be there. They are on different sides of a galactic war afterall. Still. The only thing he can hold onto is their link. That red tangled string that was always there. That had wrapped around his heart and his mind ever since he could remember, all leading towards her. He grasps it and feels...connected, centered. The storm in his head calms down. It’s more of a gentle rainfall, now. It’s cleansing, peaceful, and he revels in it. 

He wakes from his trance and goes to check on Rey. She’s sleeping peacefully in _his_ bed, curled up under _his_ blanket. He hopes it still smells like her when she leaves. He glances down at the datapad on the side table. Opened are several articles on Padme Amidala. He remembers his mother sending them to him, after the news of his heritage broke. She begged him to read them. To try and learn the full side of the story. But he never did. He was too angry. The other students had already been whispering about him, and it had just gotten worse. 

But they are going to her home after all. So he flips through the article until he comes upon a series of journal entries. 

_Today was spent in the meadow, in the sun. He’s already made his feelings clear, but I can’t let him give up the Jedi for me, so I’m hesitant to share with him how I feel. If he knows that I love him, then he’ll abandon it all. Or we’ll have to keep our relationship a secret. There is no happy ending for us. Not truly._

He continues to read, feeling her heartbreak so intensely. 

_We’re married now. No one but the droids attended. No one could attend, and no one can know. We’d been taken captive, and were sent to be executed, and I just...I couldn’t not tell him how I felt. _

Kylo skims and clicks to another.

_He’s hiding something from me, and he’s spending a lot of time with Senator Palpatine. Something’s wrong, I know it. We’re going to have a baby soon. He keeps things from me, and it breaks my heart. He told me of the nightmares. That I would die in childbirth. But that’s all they are, right? Just nightmares? I feel like he doesn’t trust me with the truth. And I just want to be able to trust him fully. We could run away together. We’ll probably have to eventually. _

He set the datapad down. There are more, and most are longer, but he’s not sure he can stomach them right now. Not...not with her here. Not with even the slightest chance that she... 

Before he’s able to finish the thought, Rey stirs awake. She blinks up at him, a little dazed. She raises an eyebrow up at him, a slight smirk on her lips. “Good morning. Er, rather,” 

He huffs a small laugh as she stumbles over her words. “Good morning to you too. Did you sleep okay?” 

“I did. But I had an odd dream. It was raining. And that was it,” she looks a little puzzled. “It was just...raining. Usually other things happen.” Kylo’s eyes widen a little. He shouldn’t be shocked but he is. At how powerful this connection runs. He helps her sit up a bit. 

“So what were you doing on Dagobah?” Rey freezes. 

“Well. There’s a Dark Side cave there. Or rather, there was? I got there and it had been destroyed. And I don’t know. Leia told me about it and I thought that maybe I would,” she looks remorseful, “I would find answers there. Train. I wasn’t sure. I just felt pulled there. I was hoping it would be better than the one on Ach-to. But none of that happened. I almost felt y…" _your signature there_, she doesn't say. "There was still dark energy there though. So much...so much pain. And I had a vision of myself," she shudders, "and it...it was bad.” There are tears in her eyes and Kylo finds himself sitting next to her on the bed, reaching out to wipe them away. Much like he wanted to last time. Rey gasps a little bit at his touch, but doesn’t move away. “I was so disoriented when I came to that I didn’t notice the creature when it attacked. It was night, so I didn’t see what it was. I fought it off, but…” she trails off a bit, a little sad. 

“Snoke took me there a few years ago. Don’t be upset. The experience is not...it’s not something--I’m glad I destroyed it." Her eyes go wide. "But seeing you...like that. It was so much worse than when I actually went into the cave.” He doesn’t want to think about it too much, so he changes the subject. “Can I get you anything? You know, we should probably have one of the med droids to exam you.” 

Her sigh sounds a little defeated, like she would just rather forget about this whole business.. “Yea. You’re probably right. Fourteen years on Jakku and I’ve never been injured this badly before.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I once had a scavenger with absolutely no Force training whatsoever beat me in a lightsaber duel.” She laughs a little at that. _Good_. 

“Oh really?” 

“And as you can see she did quite a number on my face.” 

“She must have been something else.” 

“She is.” The words leave his mouth before he can stop them. Her eyes widen a little bit. He clears his throat. “Um. Yea. I’ll just--I’ll go get the droid.” 

Kylo rushes out of the room for a second time. _An idiot. I’m an absolute idiot_. He activates the sleeping med droid and directs it to where Rey is staying. 

“_Mild Concussion. Multiple bruises and scrapes. Infection from piercing wound. Sprained ankle. Temporary loss of mobility. Healing. Treatment: Bed rest until mobility is returned. Pain medication. Bacta tank submersion preferable but not required._” 

She laughs. “Well. That didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know. But please don’t make me go back in that tank. I didn’t like that. It felt…”

“Suffocating?” She nods at that. “Yeah I understand. I thought you were going to be out for a little longer than you were. But it seems you didn’t take too well to the sedatives.” 

“Huh. Well, I mean I’ve never used them before? Maybe if I don’t get better in a few days we can try it again and I can try to meditate into a trance instead?” _Clever girl._

“That might work. In the meantime we should be getting close to Naboo soon. Do you want to come sit in the co-pilot seat while we make the landing?” She nods vigorously. It would be too easy to just...continue on like this. Something akin to longing fills him. “Well, come on then.” He scoops her up in his arms and she laughs again. It’s such a pleasant sound. He’ll remember it long after she leaves. 

Gently setting her down in the co-pilot seat, he settles in and pulls them out of lightspeed. The beautiful green planet comes into view. Rey looks at it in awe. 

“You know. No matter how many times I see a planet like this, I’m in disbelief that this much green exists in the galaxy.” 

He glances over at her. She’s wide eyed and smiling. 

“Ben?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Are we going to Padme’s house?” Her voice is hopeful. 

_Shit. Right. She was reading about her_. “Yeah. I thought it might be a good place to hide out while you recover.” The lingering question of “_and then what?_” hangs over them. But neither say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you to monsterleadmehome for the beta!!! 
> 
> Let me know if you guys are enjoying it????


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s a little sad here, don’t you think?” she says. But she doesn’t look away from the lake. “It feels like, I don’t know. This is, without a doubt, the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to, and yet…” she trails off. 
> 
> “Did you know they were married here?” he interjects.
> 
> “Your grandparents?” 
> 
> He nods. 
> 
> “I’ve been reading about her, about Padme. Anakin was sent to be her Jedi protector, and they fell in love here. It’s a little romantic, don’t you think? Forbidden love?” 
> 
> This story is starting to hit a little close. “It ended up killing them though,” he snarls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I got sick in the middle of the week and it took me a bit to recover. I am honestly BLOWN away by the response this little fic has gotten. So thank you all so so much for reading and commenting. Alright, I'm done blabblering. Let's give these two space babies the happy ending they deserve.

They land near Varykino. Neither of them have much: just a data pad, the clothes on their backs, and their lightsabers. Realizing he can’t carry her everywhere she will want to go, he rummages around the medical bay closet. In it, he finds an old, foldable wheelchair. 

She eyes him a little bit when he brings it to her. “I didn’t know we had one on board,” he shrugs. He helps her sit in the chair, secretly hoping at some point he’ll get to carry her again.

They settle into the lakehouse. Rey taking Padme’s old room and Kylo taking the room Anakin stayed in. 

Kylo walks around the house, it’s been long abandoned but since they have a food synthesizer on the ship they shouldn’t want for food. The furniture is still there, albeit a little dusty. The foundations of the house remain perfectly intact, despite everything the planet has been through. He wonders if that means something. 

As he strolls to the balcony, he sees Rey sitting in her chair, looking out over the lake. The sun is setting. The datapad in her lap open to the journal entries. Her facial expression is pensive, lost in thought about something. 

“It’s a little sad here, don’t you think?” she says. But she doesn’t look away from the lake. “It feels like, I don’t know. This is, without a doubt, the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to, and yet…” she trails off. 

“Did you know they were married here?” he interjects.

“Your grandparents?” 

He nods. 

“I’ve been reading about her, about Padme. Anakin was sent to be her Jedi protector, and they fell in love here. It’s a little romantic, don’t you think? Forbidden love?” 

This story is starting to hit a little close. “It ended up killing them though,” he snarls.

“Only because he didn’t have anyone else to turn to. He thought the Dark Side was the only way.”

“And how would you know what my grandfather was thinking?” He can feel that familiar spark of anger threatening to bubble up. How dare she presume to know what happened to _his_ family. 

She hesitates. “Nevermind. It’s stupid,” and with that she wheels off toward her bedroom. 

He looks out over the lake. The air is cooler, and the sky is at twilight. “Wait. Wait Rey!” He runs after her. 

She’s attempting to hoist herself from the wheelchair, onto the bed. There’s no sense in straining herself by using the Force to help. That would just slow down her recovery, and she knows it. She’s struggling though, not used to the limited mobility. Growling in frustration, she nearly falls out of her chair. 

“Here let me help you,” he rushes to her side. 

“I can do it myself thank you very much,” she quips at him. 

“Rey, please, just,” 

“I feel useless!” she cries in anger. Her face is pink as tears well up in her eyes. 

“If you would just let me help you!” 

“You don’t understand! I was supposed to be the one to help you!” 

They both stop and stare at each other, the words hanging in the air between them. 

His temper snaps. “You _left_ me. I wanted...I wanted you to stay!” He barks at her.

“I couldn’t stay! You were going to let them all die!” 

“Other people had been lost that day!” 

“I fought off Luke Skywalker for you!” Her face is red now, and she’s panting.

“You...you what?” The wind seems to have been knocked out of him. 

Still filled with righteous fury, Rey marches up to him so they are standing face to face. 

"Yeah," she huffs, "After that night by the fire, when he came and exploded my hut. I fought him, because he refused to tell me the truth about what happened to you. I came to you after! Chewie even helped me! I came to get you so you could come and help save the Resistance! Your were our last hope!"

"Oh and here I was thinking you had wanted to save me! You know for once in my life I felt lo--important to someone." He can't let that slip. He _can't_. 

"You are important to me! And then you broke _all_ of the trust we had built! You were the first person who I ever let myself…"

Her voice wavers a bit and she gasps out a sob. It wrecks through her body that her legs wobble under her. 

Her legs.

_Her legs_. 

"Rey," he urges. She keeps crying. "Rey!" 

"WHAT?!" she yells in exasperation.

"You’re standing now.” His heart leaps and he is so so proud of her. His mind flashes images of kissing her for it. But he can't think that way. She’ll leave soon. He knows it. She’ll leave and nothing will change and he will eventually die at her hand.

Rey’s facial expression goes from anger to shock to elation...to something like sadness in a matter of seconds. _Shit_. He has his shields down. She must have read what he was thinking because another tear falls down her face as she edges ever closer to him. Reaching out, she touches his face. She’s so _close_ now. 

“I...Ben...I could never. Not after, not after everything." She's still crying, albeit a bit softer. Why does he always make her _cry?_ "You know, I’d never really wanted to, before you.” His brain is gone now, because she can’t _possibly_ mean--when she presses her lips to his. It’s soft, and timid, and she smells like sunshine and his mind is reeling and he can’t even register what’s happening when she pulls away. _Come back._

Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are flushed red. “I’m--I’m so sorry. I thought you--” he doesn’t let her finish because he is pulling her a little too forcefully against him and chasing after her lips. It’s desperate, he knows. He’s pouring every fucking complicated emotion surrounding their situation into this but she’s _here_ with _him_ and he doesn’t want to waste any time. Rey winds her fingers through his hair and tugs just a little bit. He groans at the sensation. Her tongue is begging entry to his mouth and he’s a little surprised by how bold she’s growing, but he welcomes it. It’s frantic. It’s needy. 

His hands snake under her tank top until he feels her skin against his palms. He doesn’t move them up. He _can’t_, because can’t possibly want to do _this_ with _him_

Yanking his mouth away he rests his forehead against hers. She’s having just as much trouble breathing as he is. “Tell me you don’t want this,” he growls. 

“What?” She sounds a bit dazed. 

“Tell me you don’t want this.” He’s pleading now, and he’s not sure for what, entirely. He doesn’t _want_ her to leave. “I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go if we…” 

“I don’t…” _Here it comes_, he thinks, _she was bound to see sense eventually_. “Ben. I don’t want to be separated like that again. I thought I had made that clear. We just, we have a lot to work through but I...” she trails off but all at once he feels all of her shields and walls come crashing down. And everything that she had been through, her feelings for him, her loneliness in the Resistance, the vision she saw on Dagobah, all of it, comes rushing through him. And he is shocked, utterly baffled, when she shows him the memory of her after being injured, just before their connection forged, that her one defining emotion was regret. Regret that she was never going to see him again. 

His heart hurts for his lonely Jedi. And he isn’t sure how, but he’s determined to never let her feel like that again. So his kisses her, hard and close mouthed. She presses her body against his and he is _never_ letting her go again. Her hands find their way back to his hair and she takes a step back toward the bed, pulling him with her. 

Ruined. He’s absolutely ruined. And he welcomes it. His mouth moves to her jaw and he kisses and nips his way to the spot just behind her ear. Her breath hitches and he knows right then and there that he would bring the galaxy to its knees to hear that sound come from her again. 

Rey is pulling up on his tunic and he's not thinking clearly so he keeps kissing her jaw until she starts whining "Ben, take it off, _please_." 

"Oh! Yea. Yea okay," he mumbles. And he can hear how awkward he sounds but he can't find it in himself to care. 

He pulls his shirt over his head and looks back to find her staring and his heart thunders in his chest. He’s suddenly self conscious. Which is an absolutely ridiculous emotion, given that she’s been inside of his mind. 

Slowly, she places her hand on his face, calloused from years in the desert, and traces a thumb across his scar. This is...far more intimate than anything else he’s ever experienced. She keeps going, down across his shoulder, and then finds other ones across his chest, the one on his side from the bowcaster. She circles around to his back, and traces the scars that Snoke left as punishments. He shivers under her touch. His breath is shallow. He feels exposed. Utterly laid bare before her. It’s not like with anyone else though. He is neither beneath or above her in power. She is his equal in every way. 

Standing in front of him again, she takes off her own shirt. Before she can reach up to take off her breast band he grips her arm, and pulls it to him. Gently, so so gently, he traces her scar there. The one from the throne room. He kisses it tenderly, before letting her arm fall back to her side. Quickly, she shirks off the fabric and now she’s bare before him too. His mouth is suddenly dry and he can’t move or speak. 

Her face scrunches up a bit. “Ben? I know...I know they aren’t--” 

“You’re perfect,” and his mouth is on her again. Kissing her everywhere. 

They fall back on the bed, but he doesn’t stop. He presses his mouth in reverent kisses all the way down to her chest and takes a nipple in his mouth and _sucks_. She gasps as her back arches off the mattress and she shakes a little underneath him. Her hands snake back to grip his hair. He can feel her fingernails on his scalp and all he can think about is _more, more, more_. 

He continues to move down her torso until he reaches her waistband. He tells himself that there's no reason to be nervous. That this is _Rey_ and she _knows_ him and he _knows_ her. But that doesn't stop his thundering heart. Her breathing is just as erratic as his and she seems just as eager because she's pushing her leggings down. He scrambles to help her. And now she is completely naked on the bed under him.

He's ogling her. He's trying not to. But he just can't help it. Her chest is flushed so prettily as she gasps for breath. She's so soft and pink and warm and he just, he wants to _taste_ her. 

"Can I?" He asks out loud but she's nodding before he can even finish. _Right_. 

He tentatively licks into her folds, and her hips buck up into his face. Holding her down, he tries again, and again, until he finds a rhythm and concentrates on the spots she likes. He’s never done this before, but he is so eager to see her come undone by him. Sucking on her clit, she starts mumbling incoherently and yanking on his hair. He pushes a finger into her at the same time and she’s so tight and wet that he moans with his mouth still on her. He can feel it as she starts to tighten around his finger and he keeps going until she’s shouting his name and shaking. He works her through it until she settles down, pride welling up in his chest that he made her do _that_. 

Wiping his mouth, he scrambles up her body so he can kiss her again. She opens her mouth for him, and he knows that she can taste herself on him and he nearly comes at the thought. 

Before his brain can process what’s happening, he feels fingers at his waistband, and he realizes that Rey is frantically trying to get him to take his pants off. Scrambling off the bed, he shucks his pants and underwear off without ceremony, and crawls back up, kissing her again. Her legs are spread, and his hips meet up with hers. His cock moves along her slit, and it feels, well, he can’t quite describe it. And then he has the stunning realization that this isn’t even _it_ yet. He thrusts his hips, testing out a rhythm, and she keens under him. It’s dark now, but he can see how flushed she still is. He pushes against her just like that again, when she gasps out a _please_. 

She cants her hips up. “Please. Please. Inside. I just--” 

He stops her with a kiss. Gently, he presses himself against her opening, and pushes forward. Panicking slightly, he’s afraid he’s not going to fit. And then he feels her body yielding to him, opening up for him. And before he realizes it he’s inside her fully. Neither of them seem able to quiet catch their breath. He presses his forehead against her. She’s the only one that settles his fears. 

"Rey I'm," he chokes out. She's so tight and wet and he's not going to-- "I'm not going to last." He thrusts into her and almost loses it right then and there. 

"It's okay, it's okay," she breathes. Reaching out and touching his face "I've got you." 

He doesn’t want to disappoint her. He can’t do that. So he grits his teeth and thrusts again, trying to hold on. This is _embarrassing_. Her hands are in his hair again, and he can feel that she’s crossed her legs behind his back in an effort to be closer. He wants to cry at the thought. No one has _ever_ wanted to be close to him before. No one. 

He pumps his hips into hers again, and they gain some rhythm. It’s messy. There’s no finesse. Neither of them know what they are doing. But that’s okay. That’s okay because it’s _her_ and this was inevitable. He feels the build up, and she can sense it too, because she keeps whispering “let go” and “I’ve got you. I’m right here” in his ear. And she does. She always has.

He falls asleep that night to the sounds of Rey snoring softly. He kisses her forehead, eyes on the braid he just put in her hair. This one was typically worn by Alderaanian brides on their wedding day. 

\-----  
After only a few hours of sleep, he wakes. Rey is tucked into his side. He wants to stay here forever. No war on their shoulders. No outside forces tearing them apart. Just them. That’s unrealistic though, and he knows it.

He’s not sure what this means for them. Hours ago they had pledged themselves to each other. Body. Soul. Mind. It made sense under the comforting cloak of night. But now. Now? Does he just go with her to the Resistance? Can he? Would his mother even allow that? And What about her? Is she going to be ostracized by her friends because of him? He doesn’t want that. He just…

“You know, you're not doing too bad. At least you didn't soliloquize about sand."

Ben nearly jumps out of his skin at the voice. Turning around, he sees a Force Ghost. He looks about his age, shaggy hair and kind eyes. He looks at peace. Ben is too shocked to speak.

“Padme saw me through everything, and believed in me when I did absolutely unspeakable things. And she died for it.” 

It’s a punch to the gut. “Grandfather?”

The ghost of Anakin Skywalker nods back at him. For years Ben had tried to speak with him. For years he had pleaded. He feels a spike of anger. “Where were you when I needed you?” 

“You weren’t ready to listen yet.” The blue figure walks toward him to look out over the balcony as well. “But you are now. And there are some things I need to tell you.”

Ben remains stock still and silent.

“I trained as a Jedi for the majority of my life. And things were... Well, they were fine. I felt like I had a purpose. And then there was Padme. Back then, attachments were forbidden. Love was forbidden. The Council thought that if Jedi were permitted to love, then that could lead to jealousy and fear of loss, which was the way of the Dark Side. It makes sense in a way. But what is peace without love? The Force demands to be balanced. And it will do whatever it can to get there. And if you are too wholly in the light, there will be an equal rise in the darkness. But together? Together is balance.

The Empire committed unimaginable horrors. After I fell, I was required to kill all of the younglings. The clone troopers turned on the Jedi they had once fought along side and killed them in cold blood.” Anakin pauses a moment as he remembers. Ben wants to reach out. To say something. But he knows he needs to just listen. “I killed her. For trying to save me. I thought she had turned against me.” He shudders again. “I destroyed your mother’s planet. I tortured your father. I maimed your uncle. Ben. Don’t make my mistakes. You don’t want to be committed to the Dark Side entirely. Find your balance.”

Ben looks back into the bedroom. Rey is sleeping on the bed, so peacefully. He tugs on the red string. It’s less tangled now. Connecting them. Balancing them.

“If you ask me, I think you have." 

Ben turns around to say something, _anything_, but his grandfather is gone. 

He hears Rey pad out to the balcony. She’s wrapped in the bedsheet, and nothing else. The sun is just starting to rise, and she looks ethereal in the morning light. Her hair is still up in his braid, and he stares at the smattering of freckles across her face. His heart aches with how much he loves her. He hopes to tell her very soon.

She must see worry on his face. “Are you okay? Who was th--” he doesn’t let her finish her question before he presses his lips to hers. She sighs into it and he pulls her close to him, right where she belongs. Together.

He knows what he has to do, and with her he has the strength to do it. Tomorrow they will start training. They will make a plan to help bring the First Order down. They will right the mistakes of the past. But today, today they are going to watch the sun rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That's a wrap. I hope you all liked it! Thank you again to all of you who have been reading and commenting and leaving kudos this past week.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, a big thank you to monsterleadmehome for beta'ing this!!!! Secondly, I have all of this written, so everything will be posted by the end of the week! (It's only about 8K long). 
> 
> If you liked it let me know????


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